I feel like I don’t belong here. No one waits for me. No one listens to me. They all listen to someone else. They never give me attention or something. The people around me always ignore me. They call me names. They tease me and call it a joke. But when I do it they say it’s cruel. They always think about themselves. They’re always so eager to make me upset. I don’t talk to anyone. It feels like my mouth had been sewn with thread. My parents are okay, but they sometimes hurt my feeling a lot. They always tell me to try. I DO try. It doesn’t end up well though. I’ll never be enough.Even If I do, their hopes for me get higher and higher. “You should try” “You’re so lazy” “Why are you always on your phone?” JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M LIKE THIS EITHER. I TRY. I TRY AND TRY AND TRY AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. BUT IT DOESN’T WORK. I’M TIRED. SINCE WHEN HAS BEING BURNT OUT INCLUDE OF BEING LAZY. WHY DO YOU NOT GET ME? YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD SIMILAR EXPERIENCES AS A CHILD. YOU’RE LYING. YOU LIAR. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL. BUT YOU’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT GRADES. YOU TOLD ME YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT IT. BUT YOU DO! WTF. WHAT DID i DO TO KEEP YOUR HOPES SO HIGH? Idk. Why are you like this to me? Can’t you just leave me alone? Is that so hard? People hate me. I’m sure they do. They never listen. But they want to be heard. I give them what they want, but they never give back. It’s so exhausting. Haven’t I given enough? Haven’t I done enough? People hate me for who I am. I’m such a bad person. All my memories won’t leave me alone. It won’t fade away. It bothers me 24/7. But no one seems to notice. I’m so exhausted now. I’m tired. I hate my self so much. I feel like an attention seeker. I feel like a disgusting creature. I’m such a bad person. I failed as a person, a friend, a family, a daughter, and myself. I want to cry it all out but all my emotions feel dried out from the inside. My tears are all dried up. Even if I cry, my tears dry up so fast. I don’t want to study anymore. I want to take a break. I want to take a break from life. I really want to unalive in my sleep. I want to unalive with no pain. I wish someone will take my place when I unalive. I wish the person who is living instead of me is the “Happy old me” I wish when I unalive, everyone forgets about me. Recently, I imagine myself walking onto the balcony. Leaning on the bars that only come up to 3/2 of my body. And me climbing on it. Feeling the breeze and falling off. It feels empty. My best fear used to be unalive-ing. But now I’m welcoming it more. Things have changed. It doesn’t feel the same. Everything feels like someone is controlling me. It feels hard to live now. I don’t like it here. Home doesn’t even feel like home. I don’t feel welcomed either. I always have to fake my emotions and my voice tones even at home. Adults couldn’t help me. They betrayed me as well. I can’t believe any one. Therapists didn’t help a single bit. I hate everyone so much. They neglect me so well. What did I even do? I don’t know. My existence? Why? Am I that useless? Am i THAT useless? I’m just a kid. I was just a kid… And you had to take my childhood away frome me like that. You had to take my happiness away from me for your entertainment. You made me into a mess. They, mad me into a mess. They made me into a thing that I had to wake up in everyday. They play with me. Im the one that always apologize first. They act like it’s something I should do. I always forgave them. But they don’t. Even on the smallest things. They play with my feelings. They use me. They use me like a toy. Until I get dirty and messed up all inside. But when they don’t need me, they discard me. They discard me when they don’t need me anymore. They discard me like trash. They use me like trash. I feel like a doll. A doll controlled by puppeteers. A doll on show. A doll featured in a play for others. I want to end this play. I want to pull the strings that they use to control me. And I want those strings tied around my neck. That way, this tragic ungrateful story will come to an end. Once and for all.
I didn’t read quite all of it but if someone is saying that you are in the wrong when they are being rude to you then that’s not right. You need to speak up, I know it’s much easier said than done. But talk to a trusted adult, it’s not right to be treated this way, it’s seriously terrible. I’m sorry this shit happens to you. But I can assure you, there are people who will listen, it takes time to find those people though.
I understand you, the truth is that I’m going through almost the same situation. I feel like a complete trash, my self-esteem is on the floor.
I don’t want to write too much, but I just want to say that I can’t stand to live another day.
Ma’am or sir? I feel you and while I can’t guarantee it will get better I can tell you that if you don’t stand up for yourself you will continue to get bullied, as for your other problems find something that makes you happy and focus on it (for example try drawing or watching childhood favorites ) I wish I could help further but all I can do is wish you the best, hope life gets better for you soon (perhaps I misunderstood it a tiny bit but still hope you feel better soon if at any point you need to vent you can vent to me I will listen hope things work out for you, good luck !!
I feel the same way, but I know if I start avoiding people more I can help myself stay alive and not do self harm anymore. It’s currently been working but I really need someone to talk to over text bc in real life it all comes out wrong and sounds like ima pick me
I hope you also get through this,
I understand how you feel. I’m in the SAME EXACT BOAT as you are. I get what your feeling, and how you want it to all end. I’m sorry your going through such a horrible time, and i truley hope it get better for you. But, I’ll tell you one thing. I may have had a few interaction with you, but, from what I’ve realized, your nto trash. OR useless. Or stupid. Your a really, really nice person, @INreirseda . You r really funny, and kind, and I can connect with you. To me, your my friend. A really REALLY good friend. Please don’t let anyone make you feel like that.
Hi. I know I’m late to this, very very late, but hopefully, you’re still online (and…not unalive). I feel this and I completely understand how you feel and why you feel this way. Nothing I can do or say can justify or change these emotions. I don’t even know you, I’ve never even spoken to you up until now (that I know of), but I still want to help and hope I can. If you’re still feeling this way, I’m so so sorry. I hope it gets better and I hope this message and all that came before it can help improve things. Please, please, please, try not to hurt or kill yourself, despite how tempting it may be. Again, sorry for seeing this a long time away from the posting. Hopefully, I wasn’t too late. Please update how you feel now and if you still feel the same way.
Maybe try to distract yourself? Draw or write or read or watch tv or just something that brings you joy. If nothing really brings you joy, you could just talk to someone. Someone who can probobly help better than I can.
if at any point you need to vent you can vent to me I will listen 
hope things work out for you, good luck 